Marry, Boff, and Kill

I've learnt a new game!  Jacob told me of it.  It certainly is bad and we are surely going straight to hell for playing it.  We played it in the church basement before the concert started upstairs.  It's called Marry, Boff and Kill.

You might be wondering what "boff" means.  Well, I tremble at just the sound of it.  I do hope no one hears me talking about this.  "Boff" is to have sex.  Timothy demonstrated it to me using pumping motion with his arms.  He further explained by calling it the horizontal mambo. 

 Well, the game got started and Alexander asked:"If you cold marry, boff, and kill each one of us, who would get what?"  

Well!  What a question!  I'll surely be going to hell.  How should I answer such a question?  Well, there's no doubt I would marry Jacob.  I love him so.  If only he would ask me to marry him.  I know I'm young, but I'm ready.  I'm ready to boff, if you will.  I won't be letting him know that again, however, last time I let him know he merely laughed like I wasn't worth a penny.  Well, I'm worth far more than a penny, thank-you.   It's quite obvious he doesn't want anything to do with me.    

"If I had to kill anyone," I said, looking directly into my loves eyes, "It would be you, Jacob."  

The other boys, God bless them, broke into laughter, but tried stifling it due to Jacob's size.   But the laughter could not be stifled.  It was a riot!  It went on for some time.  Jacob was red in the face and he threatened the boys with fists.  It gave me time to think of who I would boff.  

This activity, too, I would reserve for Jacob, I often think at night of what lies dormant in his pants.  Sometimes there is a bulge that grows the more I talk to some boys, Timothy in particular, I never quite know what's going on, but am so curious.  Dreadfully curious.    I won't be using my fingers my whole life, that's for sure.  I'm practically a grown up.  So, instead of choosing Jacob I would choose Timothy.  It was him who was so demonstrative with the pumping motions, surely he would know what to do.  Besides, he's cute.  

That would make Alexander the one to marry, when in fact, he would be the first one I'd kill.  Poor, dear, sweet, innocent Alexander.  Such calm and pretty eyes.  If I didn't have my priorities and a reputation to think about, I would marry him for sure... There's nothing I'd like more than to spend my time bored sprawled out on the sofa waiting for a real man, while Alexander pretended he was Jesus.  Boff me Jacob! Boff me Timothy! both at once, I'm almost a grownup.    

"I'd boff you, Timothy.  And marry you, Alexander."  

The boys seemed pleased with their allotments.  Except for Jacob, of course.  Big, strong, Jacob.  Poor Alexander was looking sheepishly at me.  I could tell his heart was full of light.  I smiled at him and winked.  It was such a delightful game!  Jacob looked at me with a look I'd never seen before.  It wasn't a pleasant one, to be sure, but it felt as though he was noticing me for once.  I smiled at him, too, and flicked my hair.  Was that something growing in his pants?  Maybe I'll find out what boffing is like sooner than I thought.