I Am A Camel

If I am anything today it's a camel. Look at my humps, my lovely lady bumps. I can spit twenty feet, and the spit is acid, and will burn your eyes. And I'll eat your jacket, I swear to God, I'll eat your freaking jacket.  Would you like to take a ride? We are going to the grocery store. I will eat the avocados in one bite, and the papayas in two. No one will be able to stop me, and if they try enforcing the law I will plead camel. My furry and matted exterior is only comparable to my heart, and sometimes my teeth, which are yellow from the highly toxic shrubs I am prone to eating. I save my pee for days, and with a birds mentality, go on someone's shoes.

My girth takes up the entire hallway, and when people try squeezing past me, they are overcome by the smell. I call that the smell of freedom and victory. Today the boss told me to file some papers. I responded by eating them. I told him they were filed in the stomach, then I kicked some chairs with my hind legs and lumbered out. 

My kidneys are jewels mined by the pygmy huns. They want bejeweled soup. They are my worst enemy.  Can you see them on the rooftops and in the alleys?  Seven or eight huns can sit on my back. I let them once, and then took off running. It was so fun.  My eyes were all a glitter. 

I think I'll go to the pub, where they serve camels. I feel at home there, mostly because they serve dates with their drinks.  Soon I will be home, wandering through the oasis, eating trees and charging things.